Monday, 26 October 2009

Mummy, I miss you.

mum and me in the hot tub the day we went on cruise this summer.


Today was mum's funeral. Though obviously upsetting for everybody, in all, it was a success. It all started when the funeral cars arrived outside our house around 3pm. Mum's beautiful yellow daffodile coffin was very visible from inside the glass boot of the front, funeral car. Gorgeous bokays of flowers, and on either side flowers spelling out 'mummy' and 'Sindie'. Behind, followed two lovely black limousines. (Dad said they were limousines because they had three sets of seats, but I just think they were long cars. It still isn't resolved).

After going about 5 miles per hour down the road, following some men in fancy black suits on foot, they got in their cars, and we set off slowly for Grenoside Crematorium. On arrival, we were greeted by many family and friends, all waiting, dressed in their best outside the main doors. After a few minutes of kisses and cuddles, joined by a few grieving tears. Daddy and the boys carried mum inside. (They had to be shown how to hold the coffin so they had a firm hold and didn't drop it!) While gently getting the coffin out of the car, Hallelujah by K.D. Lang played, which triggered many emotions.

When everybody was safely seated inside, with their roses from the doors, David (the vicar, also mum's great friend of 6 years) said a few words, we then sang a few songs and prayed a few prayers, followed by a few more of mum's favourite songs, which gave everybody time to reflect on mum's 'window', as Uncle Rob so lovingly put it during his up-lifting speech.

We then got the opportunity to go up to mum's coffin and spend our last moments with her, where I then noticed a few people praying before we left. Outside, we stood for what felt like forever chatting, where I was approached by a few people saying "my, oh my, haven't you grown?! I haven't seen you since you were tiny!" Me, then getting all confused, because i've never seen them before in my life! (That I can remember anyway).

When everybody was finished gossiping away, everybody went back to the Lowood pub (is that how you spell it?) for the after party, where everybody had a drink, (or two!) and ate lots of yummy food and had a laugh, to take their minds off the busy day just passed.

In all, though heartbreaking, I thought it was a brilliant round off to mum's life. I thought I'd have my little say about the situation, so here it goes.

You gave me your everything, my whole life. I've never had to learn to live any other way. But now I do, now it's hard. I'm sticking it out for you mum. Keeping my head up, my knees straight. Glaring up and the sky, wondering if you can see me. Life's alot different now, but we're all working together. I still think of you every minute, I promise. We all knew it'd come to this, so we're keeping it together. Now you're safe, no more tears, right? Now no one has to worry anymore. Life is peaceful now. No more sat in class, wondering how you're feeling today. If you're in any more pain than yesturday. Yeah, i'm lonely, and I miss you; but I wouldn't have it any other way. You'll never be forgotten; everybody's friend. I love you.

12 comments:

  1. That was a great post and beautiful words at the end Livvie :)

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  2. I haven't one word to add to your beautiful ones Livvie - except to say thank you for that wonderful post. I am glad you now know who Anne is!:}

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  3. Livvie,that was just beautiful. Mummy would be so proud, and I am sure she will be looking over you for the rest of your life. Keep looking up to the sky.

    Love Grandma XXXXX

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  4. Livvie my precious: those are wonderful words, and I am so proud of how well you are keeping it together, and for your ability to be concerned about how other people are feeling, even though you are hurting yourself.

    Mummy and I love you very much, and that love does not die, but is eternal. I will try to be the best Mum and Dad that I can, and I am sure that we can get through this and have a happy future if you, me and Emily all pull together and honour Mum's memory by being a solid family. Daddy xxx

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  5. What a beautiful post Livvie. Mummy and Daddy must be so proud of the way that you are dealing with things at such a sad time. I came across an old Eskimo legend the other day, and it rather fits in with you looking up at the sky. It goes:

    Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy.

    A good thought to hang on to,don't you think?

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  6. Thankyou auntie Leeta. (: and yes, that is a beautiful quote. Well, we've all got to be strong for eachother, don't you think? I saw how you were at the funeral, and want you to know i'm always here if you want to talk, or for me to come round for a biscuit some time. (:

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  7. Thank you Livvie, not only would I like to see you some times, but I'm sure a certain black and white furry thing would as well!XXX

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  8. Willummmmmm! I love him sooo much! I sure will come and visit you some time. (: xxxx

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  9. Livvie you are as brave, wonderful and beautiful as your Mum, she would be soooo proud of you, a chip of the old block for sure!

    Thank you for that wonderfully written blog.

    Love Auntie T xxxxx

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  10. Lovely Livvie...You remind me so much of your mum. What a beautifully written piece.
    You are coping so well and being so brave with all this sadness in just the way your mummy would wish you to.
    Love Auntie Gill xxxxx

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  11. Hello Livvie.
    You don't know me, but you know my mum, Kay. She has been good friends with your Grandma Sandie for many years. I believe you met my daughter, Elizabeth once, but I may be wrong!
    I would like to say a few words if I may....
    My Mums husband passed away in 1998, also from cancer. After the initial grief and the occasional feeling of lonelyness, my Mum has been very happy and achieved most things she has set out to achieve. I firmly believe that is down to one person....Her late husband, Gerald. I believe he looks after my Mum every single day and helps bring happiness to her life. Livvie, your Mum Sindie will, I am sure, be looking after you and your family every single day and be a big part of everything you all achieve. From myself and my wife, Gill, we send you lots of love and hope this little message gets you thinking.... x

    Jay and Gill. x

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